Suicide Into Ambition / Living in the Eclipse of My Brother
Meet Samuel Panganiban Josafat Jr.
I was the saddest kid in high school because I disired populairty.
Although I was best friends with some girls, I've never had a girlfriend.
A real girlfriend. A real relationship. Even till today.
My brother was different. He gets everything. Even till today.
As I saw my brother get the best clothes, play the most games, get the best computers, get the most awards, get the best relationships I started to wonder what the fuck was wrong with me?
I was never materialistic back then nor am I now. When ever we went shopping he spent at least $150 of my mom's money when I was only trying to spend $30 on jeans I thought were perfect.
When he turned 16 he got a job along with F's to prove he was working too much.
When I turned 16 I begged my mom if I could get a job. I showed her my financial plans. I gave her a contract stating at least 25% of my money went to helping her and dad pay for the house. I promised her my first paycheck.
She said no. She didn't want me to get bad grades (even though I ended up with them anyways).
As soon as he turned 16 he got his permit along with that job. He never came home in time for curfew.
He got caught with car jacking tools in the car by the police. He bought bb guns used to train police. He associated with gangsters but was not one of them.
I had to wait till I was 18 to get my own license.
He told people how much stress I gave him to people like Jenilee, Alison, and everyone he knew.
People hated me in respect for him.
We constantly faught over little things at home. Physically and mentally.
I don't recal ever talking shit about him.
He used to stand up for me sometimes while his friends took cheap shots at me about things such as colorguard, my sexuallity, and how much of a dork I was.
Today... He makes more money then me; but he accumulates massive amounts of debt.
He never has to try with women. He's had plenty of relationships. Long term relatoinships were easy for him to maintain. He's currently dating my ex even though I told him it was wierd.
He's still convinced that he's becoming a better brother.
Today... I make a decent wage at least compared to my friends; I'm almost out of debt.
I ALWAYS have to try with women. I've had only one online relationship. I've never had a relationship longer then 8 months a week and 2 and a half days. I would never cross the boundries of dating any of his exes.
I hope I can stay a good brother.
I was the saddest kid in high school because I disired populairty.
Although I was best friends with some girls, I've never had a girlfriend.
A real girlfriend. A real relationship. Even till today.
My brother was different. He gets everything. Even till today.
As I saw my brother get the best clothes, play the most games, get the best computers, get the most awards, get the best relationships I started to wonder what the fuck was wrong with me?
I was never materialistic back then nor am I now. When ever we went shopping he spent at least $150 of my mom's money when I was only trying to spend $30 on jeans I thought were perfect.
When he turned 16 he got a job along with F's to prove he was working too much.
When I turned 16 I begged my mom if I could get a job. I showed her my financial plans. I gave her a contract stating at least 25% of my money went to helping her and dad pay for the house. I promised her my first paycheck.
She said no. She didn't want me to get bad grades (even though I ended up with them anyways).
As soon as he turned 16 he got his permit along with that job. He never came home in time for curfew.
He got caught with car jacking tools in the car by the police. He bought bb guns used to train police. He associated with gangsters but was not one of them.
I had to wait till I was 18 to get my own license.
He told people how much stress I gave him to people like Jenilee, Alison, and everyone he knew.
People hated me in respect for him.
We constantly faught over little things at home. Physically and mentally.
I don't recal ever talking shit about him.
He used to stand up for me sometimes while his friends took cheap shots at me about things such as colorguard, my sexuallity, and how much of a dork I was.
Today... He makes more money then me; but he accumulates massive amounts of debt.
He never has to try with women. He's had plenty of relationships. Long term relatoinships were easy for him to maintain. He's currently dating my ex even though I told him it was wierd.
He's still convinced that he's becoming a better brother.
Today... I make a decent wage at least compared to my friends; I'm almost out of debt.
I ALWAYS have to try with women. I've had only one online relationship. I've never had a relationship longer then 8 months a week and 2 and a half days. I would never cross the boundries of dating any of his exes.
I hope I can stay a good brother.
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